The Exponent - opinions


04-21-2005	Previous edition: 04-20-2005

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Young newlyweds risk divorce, unhappiness

Bells seem to be ringing like crazy this year. And I’m not referring to the Bell Tower’s melodic rendition of "Hail Purdue."

Church bells are chiming and announcing newly-married couples every day. It seems like it’s happening more so now at this point in time than in the past few years. With the nation’s divorce rate looming at a disgraceful 50 percent, it’s shocking so many people rush down the aisle without taking time to consider what they’re doing.

Call me realistic or simply moderately pessimistic, but as someone who dealt with the repercussions of a divorce, I’d like to think I learned enough from the mistakes of my parents to make wiser decisions than I may have otherwise. There are many factors that contribute to the escalating divorce rate, and unless people learn from the mistakes of others, these numbers have nowhere to go but up.

Many people get married young or what some may consider "hastily" and they have perfectly happy lives. But this isn’t true for everyone. Probably one of the biggest mistakes that people make is they don’t know what they want in life and they get in a serious relationship before understanding who they really are and what they would like to achieve in life.

When you’re in college, you think you know who you are and what you want to be. But how many of us have changed majors, switched friends, or explored different lifestyles? We’re still trying to find out who we are and except for those lucky few who have it all figured out, the rest of college students are just trying to experience it all.

In this self-discovery process, many tend to compromise who they are for those around them. Relationships are no exception. Many think they have to find someone who fits a certain personality or who has all the same likes and dislikes as themselves. You’ll see that people might start to become interested in hobbies that would have never been able to stir interest in them, but as soon as their significant other is into it, so are they.

There’s a no-brainer solution to that one — do what you want, like what you want and hate what you want without taking into the consideration the thoughts of others. If you like the Cubs and your significant other likes the White Sox, then let him suffer the wrath of rooting for a worthless team.

Another factor that may be contributing to the divorce rate is couples aren’t taking their wedding vows seriously. "Till death do we part" isn’t just a pretty line to solidify the marriage. It’s an oath. Many people tend not to take the words they say in their wedding ceremony to heart. Some fail to see a wedding license as a binding contract that says, "When the going gets tough, I won’t be going." People are giving up on their marriages as easily as the latest fad diet. It’s become increasingly easier to file for divorce, making in an easy option. Most people wouldn’t be to that point if they would have thought about the huge commitment they were getting into.

Many women in particular might not realize what really want when they think of marriage is the white dress and fancy wedding — not the marriage itself. When all the glitter and glitz of the wedding plans have faded, some may not realize the relationship is supposed to last a lifetime. Too many people lack the patience and strength to work through problems while others often marry in an attempt to fix cracks in the relationship.

There are those who feel like college is their last chance to meet the significant other that they will share the rest of their lives with. Although college is an excellent time to test new waters and date around (where else would you find so many people the same age as you in one concentrated area?), it’s not the end of dating. Many people take time to further their careers and explore the world before making time for others, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. There’s no deadline when it comes to getting married. Marry whenever you want; just be sure you’re ready and it’s for the right reasons.

If people take marriage a little more seriously and see it as a journey — rather than a destination — then perhaps divorce won’t be as common a practice as getting the car cleaned.

Heather Poston is a senior in the College of Liberal Arts. She can be reached at opinions@purdueexponent.org.

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